Who is the real Monster?

We have been doing a truckload of exams this week, trying to listen to every student before the rapidly approaching summer holidays.  Listening to 800 students individually talk about the same thing for a minute is like taking your brain, tossing it around like a baseball for a few hours and then putting it in a washing machine.  I don't know up from down anymore.

Students come to our office and present in groups of four, though they speak one at a time.  Only one student has honestly tried to bribe me (a 20 yuan note, about $3).  I remarked to Sean last week there are more effective ways to cheat: a weak student could pay a smart student to present on his behalf, based on the classic assumption that we wouldn't be able to recognize the impersonator.

Well, yesterday the prophecy came true.  The details are boring, though I did feel like a bit of a detective unmasking the whole operation.  What you need to know is that a good student named James pretended to be a weak student named Monster.  The whole thing is more ridiculous because in all the ensuing discussions I need to be serious in calling a student Monster (some other favourite names I've come across are Akon, Death, and Steakhouse).

There are challenges I've encountered in teaching that seem much easier on paper, and this is one of them.  What do I do about James and Monster？As far as I've always been taught, this is cheating and cheating results in a zero.  For Monster, it's not a big deal since his actual oral exam was abysmal…or wait for it, monstrous.  James, the student who impersonated Monster and lied to me, has much more to lose.  Today he apologized, and is obviously upset at getting zero.  It's hard for me to be confident in my decision when he keeps pleading "give me a chance".  Am I being too harsh?  Is giving him zero going to further his education?  Would I be second guessing myself if he wasn't a good student?

In general I'll be glad when exams are over.  Everything about subjective marking like this is difficult.  The hardest thing is listening to a weak student trying really hard but knowing you have to give them a low mark.  Just as awful is listening to a very active student who loves oral English class give a bad exam.  At this point in my life, I wonder why marks are important to students at all.  How on earth did the big world trick us into taking our grade 8 marks seriously?  But for these students, well, they are really nervous about how well they do.

Would love to know what you think about these strange times.  I may have unmasked Monster yesterday, but could it be that the real Monster is the one I see in the mirror?